A life of laughs, love and tucker

A life of laughs, love and tucker

The Mocula was one on the best loved and most famous cats of his generation. Originally known and loved only by his family, The Mocula later gained worldwide recognition as the feline pioneer of the Internet by commissioning a vanity website where a 'googled pussy' could finally return a page with content fit for all ages.

The Mocula, who has died in his 16th year, was liberated from the dark and smelly garage of the notorious Mrs Di - on the outskirts of Sydney on December the 13th, 1991. The Mocula's liberator was a viking old salt looking for a reliable shipmate. His name was #1 - and the weregild paid for The Mocula's release was a a paltry $150. The Mocula's full blood line could have been purchased for an additional $150 but #1 employed the credo 'cheap is best' (Vikings can be both famously generous and tight fisted) so that The Mocula never had the opportunity to pursue a (no doubt wildly successful) career as a show cat.

The Mocula fondly recounts this escape in his memoirs

"I had no name then - the garage was dark and mewsy - the sounds and smells of my fellow captives cages - all family - filled the dark void - the windows were blacked out - all my siblings had been sold into captivity but as I was the most handsome and most cleverest of my bunch, I had been earmarked to mate with my mother to create an even more perfect litter to add to the 1,400,043 kittens Mum had already produced. But as luck would have it - my mother was already pregnant to some other long sold skanky brother and #1 showed up with the readies - as soon as #1 cradled me in his arms I thought 'I've got you .... you sucker .... hook, line and sinker!! Hand over the dosh!!!'

Nestled in the gigantic arms of #1 - out the garage - through the back boor - past the kitchen stove with the bubbling, gigantic pot of foul smelling gruel that had been my only tucker - past the notorious Mr Di (the notorious Mrs Di's husband) with his head buried in the Randwick Races guide and his ears glued to 2GB - past the yappy dog in the frontyard and into a highly tuned red 260Z. Blam! I sat in a cardboard box in the back and I was so happy and relieved and nervous I emptied my bowels in the most joyous and triumphant fashion. And the look on #1's face as the stench filled his bignoze - struggling to keep hold of the steering wheel - I vowed there and then - EVERY TIME I GOT INSIDE A CAR - I'd take a big dump and watch the mayhem unfold!!!"

After escaping to Newtown - The Mocula was christened and assumed the 'normal' life of a kitten. Like swinging in windy tree tops some 6 metres above the ground - watching #1 spreading lounge cushions all over the back yard - and then climbing up 5 meters to effect a 'rescue'. Priceless! And the tucker - by comparison - delivered with unconditional love - and more importantly three times a day - was fabulous. Meow!

Love, quality tucker and adolescence saw The Mocula spreading the message of unconditional love to ever willing felines in the dead ends and dunny lanes of Newtown. That and his propensity to bash the neighbouring cats to obtain their tucker as well moved the authorities to an intervention and The Mocula was de-snickered.

Now neutered - The Mocula returned to a simpler and more introspective life. As you would. Still his amazing good looks and beguiling manner had him cat napped twice - once for a week to a neo-nazi training camp on the shores of Lake Macquarie and another time to a bunch of demented North Shore pussy loving females??? Both times #1 tracked him down and returned The Mocula to his home at Newtown. Both sets of kidnappers recounted agonising stories of The Mocula's in transit bowel movements.

At the age of 2 - The War saw #1 and The Mocula part ways. The Mocula relocated to the Central Coast of NSW to live with #1's parents Esme and Walter. Here The Mocula found his true calling - bush walks - trees to climb all over - goannas, red bellied blacksnakes and scrub turkeys to chase - 2 x 24/7 minders - and being feed not twice a day - not three times a day - but just 'WHENEVER HE WAS HUNGRY'-Esme.

After a scrumptious 12 year Central Coast sojourn The Mocula was returned to the care of #1 - on ANZAC Day 2004. Despite now being in the twilight of his life The Mocula started contracting for the Davros Corporation and www.mocula.com was born. The Mocula soared to international stardom. The www.mocula.com site grew from #1 Visitor on the 24th April 2004 to 88,000,000+ in March 2007. A personal assistant Nat the Cat Sitter donated her time as a live in PA in the latter stages of 2006 and onto 2007 to cope with The Mocula's ever increasing fame and fussy dietary requirements.

The Mocula succumbed on 24th March 2007 to the Green Dream after a long battle with loss of appetite. The Mocula's affable nature, sense of humour and legendary appetite for life (and anything edible) will be sorely missed.

The Mocula is survived by #1, Nat, Esme, Walter and a legion of personal and web based fans.

The BigNoZe Consultancy is a registered business name in New South Wales - Registration No BN97939393